It took me a long time to really wrap my head around this idea and I am really not even sure why, because it seems so logical and makes so much sense and I have offered it as advice so many times.
We constantly look at other people’s actions and how they effect us and we instantly can pin point exactly what it is that they need to do to make your life better. We say things like….if only he would listen, I wish they would respond sooner or call more often. But the cold hard truth is we can not make anyone else do anything, we can not change people. We can make actions that we hope will cause them to change their ways, tough love or whatever, but really if we don’t like how things are the simplest solutions is CHANGE YOURSELF!!
I don’t mean turn yourself into someone you are not, or change for them. You most definitely have to be true to yourself all of the time. Perhaps the change has to be the way you respond, holding a thought in your head. Working through the stuff that bothers you and determining why it bothers you, what you expect and where this expectation comes from. Perhaps the person can not meet your expectations because of their own struggles or past experiences. I think the biggest things that can change are attitude and response. Train yourself to care less about the things that bother you, if they aren’t worth the trouble and if you can’t do that then respond; remove yourself from the situation, slow down the relationship, alter the amount of interactions either greater or less depending on the issue. You never know that person may notice and in a cyclic manner may make the changes within themselves that provide you some relief in your relationship, or they may not but either way your ability to cope will improve.
I believe that the majority of our own issues reside in our own busy minds, and like any other part of our bodies our mind can be trained to work in new ways. Turning negative to positive and turning thoughts around to allow us to cope with the things that annoy us. We are only have control over one thing, we can only change one thing….our own minds! POWERFUL!!