This is another one of those quotes that rings in my head whenever I am faced with an issue that involves a difficult person. “Kill them with kindness.” Oh how it works on so many levels!!
I learned this one early in my career, which is too many years ago to even attempt the shocking math equation. I began working in an environment with mostly women (and still am in a job with a predominant woman population). I also had to deal with clients who are always right, no matter what I think. So I learned quickly that kindness goes a long way. It isn’t hard for me as I am by nature a kind person, but there are always those moments, and especially those people that make you dig deeper to find it within.
Here is how and why it works (in my opinion). First of all, people who are not being kind do not know how to respond to someone who is being kind to their unkindness, after all their actions where for a purpose and a reaction. The utter confusion on their face when the exact opposite response smacks them in the face is priceless. Being mean to a kind person just makes you look like more of an a-hole, it is so easy to be mean to a meany, but being mean to someone who is always so kind, well that my friend is a new low. Being kind also allows you to feel better, you don’t have to worry about apologies or crossing lines with your anger. If your reaction is pure kindness you are standing on both feet and able to think straighter, sometimes a bit slower, but straighter. It is like the real life hovering thumbs face to face. You know the moment when you get that text and your thumbs hover over what you want to say, but then you rethink it and decide to go another route. When all is said and done the she-said-she-said of it all you always come out on top!
BUT!!! Sometimes there are those moments where you just can’t take it and you SNAP!! People stop and they look and they assess that the situation must be really bad if someone so kind acted in such a way. So again it works in your favour, but can not be over used or it loses it’s effect.
With all that said it makes me sound like I am a fake, but really after you live the life for awhile it becomes who you are. You learn how to keep the things in your head for a better time, you take pleasure in their powerless attempts to get you down. Your revenge is your own happiness.
They need to make an app that reads my mind and turns it into my blog posts.My intent when creating this blog was to brain dump in the way I use to journal. The brain activity is still happening, it is just the journaling part I need to get in gear with. In a slight defence, my iPad was completely wiped clean and I had to restock all apps. Only a slight defence because I have a laptop that actually is easier to blog on. Since I started this journey I have really enjoyed the blogging community and find others posts to be interesting and a break from the everyday menoteny that all other forms of social media offer. I think the best way is to set blogging goals, or in the way I organize my life rules. The rule is I need to post one brain dump blog…..hmmmm…..a week? Any other advice on how I can stay on top of the wonderful world of blogging??
I think about my friends who have come and my friends who have gone. I come to realize that they change like the saying says, with the seasons. Some are evident while others I question….and then I come to the conclusions that, I don’t play games.
I don’t give in to attention seeking, actually it annoys me, if you have something to say to me just say it. If I have done something to offend you or that is bothering you then give it to me, I can probably explain my actions and their intent. I would also like to know because really maybe I am unaware that what I am doing is causing such a reaction. I would offer you the same service: with what did you mean when, or it hurt my feelings when.
Reality is though, the majority of the people I surround myself with usually would not do anything to make me even wonder. Then there is that odd individual that acts in a way I do not understand, this is when my own advice does not go both ways. If you are not up front with me and you behave in a way that I do not understand, then I do not confront instead I just cut people out. I have no time or energy for games (refer to my post “Those who anger you…”), and the fact that they are playing them just leads me to believe that any sort of interaction will lead to conflict and drama. So I avoid it in every way that I can.
I have plenty of friends and from all areas of my life, I have the ones that have not caused me any drama and not given me any grief, any misunderstandings we have had we cleared them up in a timely fashion and actually were able to grow our friendship based on them. I hope that they are still around because they value my forward approach and respect me enough to return it.
I strongly believe that when it comes to friendships each has a purpose in your life to guide you through, as you relate to people in different ways. Every friendship is to be valued individually and it is important to remember quality over quantity. Be a good friend and you will have good friends, open, honest, and trustworthy. NO GAMES!!
In my hometown there is a church that puts little sayings on the sign out front. It must have been ten years ago or more that the sign said “Those who anger you control you.” Ever since it has been my mantra. I have caught myself saying it to myself in those moments I needed it the most.
When someone makes you angry, whether they are present or not they consume your mind with thoughts, with questions of what to say, what to do, what they meant or if you are over reacting and why you are reacting. If you are like me you may scream, but more than likely you will cry and then you will get mad that you are angry crying which will make you even more angry. The person responsible for your anger just controlled how ever many minutes they were able to steal. They control your mind and maybe even the actions you may take in response to whatever angered you. But wait a minute!? HOW DARE THEY!!! They did something to make you angry in the first place, they don’t deserve an ounce of your time or energy. They do not deserve to steal a nano second of your happiness.
So my advice and what I live by is…take back the control, if someone angers you, who are they anyways? Take control by confronting them about how you feel, if they are worth it. If they are not then move those thoughts aside and regain control of your mind thoughts and actions!!
NO ONE DESERVES TO STEAL YOUR HAPPINESS!!!
It took me a long time to really wrap my head around this idea and I am really not even sure why, because it seems so logical and makes so much sense and I have offered it as advice so many times.
We constantly look at other people’s actions and how they effect us and we instantly can pin point exactly what it is that they need to do to make your life better. We say things like….if only he would listen, I wish they would respond sooner or call more often. But the cold hard truth is we can not make anyone else do anything, we can not change people. We can make actions that we hope will cause them to change their ways, tough love or whatever, but really if we don’t like how things are the simplest solutions is CHANGE YOURSELF!!
I don’t mean turn yourself into someone you are not, or change for them. You most definitely have to be true to yourself all of the time. Perhaps the change has to be the way you respond, holding a thought in your head. Working through the stuff that bothers you and determining why it bothers you, what you expect and where this expectation comes from. Perhaps the person can not meet your expectations because of their own struggles or past experiences. I think the biggest things that can change are attitude and response. Train yourself to care less about the things that bother you, if they aren’t worth the trouble and if you can’t do that then respond; remove yourself from the situation, slow down the relationship, alter the amount of interactions either greater or less depending on the issue. You never know that person may notice and in a cyclic manner may make the changes within themselves that provide you some relief in your relationship, or they may not but either way your ability to cope will improve.
I believe that the majority of our own issues reside in our own busy minds, and like any other part of our bodies our mind can be trained to work in new ways. Turning negative to positive and turning thoughts around to allow us to cope with the things that annoy us. We are only have control over one thing, we can only change one thing….our own minds! POWERFUL!!
So this is it!! The new form of journaling. (Well new to me, I am behind the times I suppose) As long as I can remember I used pen and paper to organize my thoughts. I recently got into reading blogs and thought, hey this is it, this is journaling out loud. All the things in my head that need an outlet the generalized thoughts that have nothing to do with anyone but just humanity. If I get them out of my head and put them here then I free up more room for more insane? or sane thoughts.
Step 1: figure out how this works
Step 2: figure out who can see this
Step 3: decide if I care who sees it, because mostly I don’t care what people think, high probability someone will be offended or if they know who I really am will think that it is ALL about them, which more than likely is not.
Let’s how his goes….if you can comment??? Advice on how this all works would be fabulous!!