In my hometown there is a church that puts little sayings on the sign out front. It must have been ten years ago or more that the sign said “Those who anger you control you.” Ever since it has been my mantra. I have caught myself saying it to myself in those moments I needed it the most.
When someone makes you angry, whether they are present or not they consume your mind with thoughts, with questions of what to say, what to do, what they meant or if you are over reacting and why you are reacting. If you are like me you may scream, but more than likely you will cry and then you will get mad that you are angry crying which will make you even more angry. The person responsible for your anger just controlled how ever many minutes they were able to steal. They control your mind and maybe even the actions you may take in response to whatever angered you. But wait a minute!? HOW DARE THEY!!! They did something to make you angry in the first place, they don’t deserve an ounce of your time or energy. They do not deserve to steal a nano second of your happiness.
So my advice and what I live by is…take back the control, if someone angers you, who are they anyways? Take control by confronting them about how you feel, if they are worth it. If they are not then move those thoughts aside and regain control of your mind thoughts and actions!!
NO ONE DESERVES TO STEAL YOUR HAPPINESS!!!
It took me a long time to really wrap my head around this idea and I am really not even sure why, because it seems so logical and makes so much sense and I have offered it as advice so many times.
We constantly look at other people’s actions and how they effect us and we instantly can pin point exactly what it is that they need to do to make your life better. We say things like….if only he would listen, I wish they would respond sooner or call more often. But the cold hard truth is we can not make anyone else do anything, we can not change people. We can make actions that we hope will cause them to change their ways, tough love or whatever, but really if we don’t like how things are the simplest solutions is CHANGE YOURSELF!!
I don’t mean turn yourself into someone you are not, or change for them. You most definitely have to be true to yourself all of the time. Perhaps the change has to be the way you respond, holding a thought in your head. Working through the stuff that bothers you and determining why it bothers you, what you expect and where this expectation comes from. Perhaps the person can not meet your expectations because of their own struggles or past experiences. I think the biggest things that can change are attitude and response. Train yourself to care less about the things that bother you, if they aren’t worth the trouble and if you can’t do that then respond; remove yourself from the situation, slow down the relationship, alter the amount of interactions either greater or less depending on the issue. You never know that person may notice and in a cyclic manner may make the changes within themselves that provide you some relief in your relationship, or they may not but either way your ability to cope will improve.
I believe that the majority of our own issues reside in our own busy minds, and like any other part of our bodies our mind can be trained to work in new ways. Turning negative to positive and turning thoughts around to allow us to cope with the things that annoy us. We are only have control over one thing, we can only change one thing….our own minds! POWERFUL!!
So this is it!! The new form of journaling. (Well new to me, I am behind the times I suppose) As long as I can remember I used pen and paper to organize my thoughts. I recently got into reading blogs and thought, hey this is it, this is journaling out loud. All the things in my head that need an outlet the generalized thoughts that have nothing to do with anyone but just humanity. If I get them out of my head and put them here then I free up more room for more insane? or sane thoughts.
Step 1: figure out how this works
Step 2: figure out who can see this
Step 3: decide if I care who sees it, because mostly I don’t care what people think, high probability someone will be offended or if they know who I really am will think that it is ALL about them, which more than likely is not.
Let’s how his goes….if you can comment??? Advice on how this all works would be fabulous!!